


The Lines We Cross

by CastielsGracex



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Anger, Angry Castiel (Supernatural), Angry Dean Winchester, Angst, Bisexual Castiel (Supernatural), Blow Jobs, Camp Chitaqua, Castiel Gives Oral Sex, Castiel Has Sex, Castiel is indifferent to sexual orientation, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Come Swallowing, Croatoan Virus, Dean Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean is Bad at Feelings, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Emotionally Repressed Dean, Endverse, First Kiss, Fist Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Graceless Castiel, Group Sex, Guilty Dean, Guilty Dean Winchester, Heavy Angst, Human Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, Internalized Homophobia, Jealous Dean, Jealous Dean Winchester, M/M, Oral Sex, Orgies, Orgy, Pining, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Winchester Coping Mechanisms, dean drinks to cope, everyone copes in unhealthy ways after the apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-03 04:06:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10235510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastielsGracex/pseuds/CastielsGracex
Summary: Dean knew some lines shouldn't be crossed.There really shouldn't have been a reason why Dean was so angry over Castiel's sexual activities - yet he was.Dean shook with rage as he sulked on the floor of his cabin, imagining all the things that were going on in Castiel's cabin at the very moment. It was no secret that today was one of Castiel's scheduled orgies. Hell, the whole camp knew and any woman not currently in any sort of emotional attachment was probably there (and a few of the males in the camp as well).A shiver of rage ran down Dean's spine as he mulled that over for a bit. After Castiel's grace had left him, he had declared his interest in experimenting with sex. Shortly after, Castiel had announced that he had no preference when it came to gender. That revelation wasn't exactly a shocker, but it HAD made Dean quake in his boots. It was no doubt that he pined for the angel constantly. Even now, with his grace gone and being a burnout stoner, Castiel was hands down the most beautiful creature Dean had ever seen.





	1. Beginning of the End

**Author's Note:**

> Have some really good stuff for this in mind. This will probably be a longer fic with maybe 15 chapters. I will try to update weekly.
> 
> Find me on tumblr @ monarchmish.tumblr.com and twitter at: @monarchmish

Dean knew some lines shouldn't be crossed.  
There really shouldn't have been a reason why Dean was so angry over Castiel's sexual activities - yet he was.  
Dean shook with rage as he sulked on the floor of his cabin, imagining all the things that were going on in Castiel's cabin at the very moment. It was no secret that today was one of Castiel's scheduled orgies. Hell, the whole camp knew and any woman not currently in any sort of emotional attachment was probably there (and a few of the males in the camp as well). 

A shiver of rage ran down Dean's spine as he mulled that over for a bit. After Castiel's grace had left him, he had declared his interest in experimenting with sex. Shortly after, Castiel had announced that he had no preference when it came to gender. That revelation wasn't exactly a shocker, but it HAD made Dean quake in his boots. It was no doubt that he pined for the angel constantly. Even now, with his grace gone and being a burnout stoner, Castiel was hands down the most beautiful creature Dean had ever seen.  
You could put a nice pair of tits in front of Dean or a nice round ass and he'd be all over it. God knows he had been burying himself in women and decadence since the apocalypse - it was the only temporary comfort Dean had. Unfortunately, the comfort was very short lived and every time he found out Castiel was engaging in any kind of sexual activity, his mood would sour. During these times, Dean wouldn't even want to sleep with any woman that made advances towards him and that was proof that Dean Winchester had a very serious problem with the situation at hand.

It wasn't that he was jealous of Castiel. At first, that's what he had thought it was. Women seemed to fall to Castiel's charm like moths to a flame and honestly, Dean couldn't blame them. Castiel was gorgeous and oozed sensuality. Dean often wondered if Castiel had any clue that everything Castiel did- the way he moved, the way he talked, oozed sexuality. Given the current state of the world, it was no wonder so many women were tripping over each other for a turn with him. Dean understood those women but he had also felt a pang in his gut the first time Castiel announced a tantric group sex session in his cabin.

For weeks, Dean had assumed the pang in his gut was jealousy due to Castiel getting so much attention from the women in the camp, after all, a good majority of the camp's women were absolutely stunning - but something about it had felt wrong. There had been a little nagging voice in his head insisting that it couldn't be jealousy over that. If anything, Dean would have usually been ecstatic for a friend who got that much action -and it wasn't like Dean wasn't a proper ladykiller himself. He could get action any time he wanted. So why did it feel so awful when Castiel had started having these orgies?

The REAL problem began when Castiel publicly announced that men were welcome to join these tantric orgies too and that they too would be "serviced" by Castiel. He really had a lack of filter - which was kind of necessary being the end of the world and all. Castiel had always lacked a filter when Dean really thought about it, but hearing the angel apply that lack of filter to talking about sex made Dean squirm. Dean couldn't help himself. Without fail, every time he had ever heard Castiel talk about sex, Dean would feel a stirring in his loins and the feeling would often be vehemently ignored. This was no longer possible the day that Castiel opened his bed to men. Dean couldn't ignore the feeling anymore. He was absolutely destroyed with the savage jealousy that washed over him the first time. Dean had run to his cabin and drank a whole bottle of whiskey to himself. It wasn't one of his proudest moments but as he cried himself to sleep that night, the pain had slowly subsided - even if only temporarily.

His unresolved feelings for the angel had been a problem since before his fall from grace. There had always been something that Dean couldn't quite put his finger on - something that was different about Castiel. Dean was always more than just a little intrigued by the nerdy little angel dude and his nether regions were certainly interested in him. As much as it pained Dean to say - he wanted Castiel and had wanted him for a while now. This was problematic for Dean. He knew he liked ass and tits, so when the idea of liking dick popped into his head now and then, it sent him running the opposite direction. Dean wasn't gay. Dean couldn't be gay. Dean would never allow himself to be gay.

\-----------------

The orgies had continued, and Dean had been terribly wrong in assuming that the jealousy and pain would diminish after a while. If anything, the feeling had grown stronger and had added an incessant need to spend as much time as possible with Castiel. He hated seeing the state his angel was in now and constantly tried to curb his addictions to no avail. Castiel had straggled down the path of overindulgence into the murky waters of addiction and Dean had been too wrapped up in his self pity to save him. It was one of Dean's greatest regrets. Castiel deserved better than this. He deserved better than loveless sex with multiple partners every couple of days. Dean was sure Castiel didn't know what being on the receiving end of love felt like and his heart broke for the fallen angel. Dean wanted so desperately to show him that there was still beauty and comfort in this world. Beauty and comfort that could be found outside of an orgasm provided by a random stranger.

It had been 4 months since the first orgy and Dean was near his wits end. Two days ago he had jogged over to Castiel's cabin with the intention of asking him to come on an important supply run with him. For once, the job was so important that Dean had forgotten all about Castiel's scheduled orgies. He should have stopped when he heard moans and grunts coming from Castiel's bedroom when he pushed the already ajar door wide open - but he didn't. Some force of nature compelled Dean to keep walking in his zombie like trance to the bedroom where the sounds were growing louder and louder.

At first, it just seemed like a tangle of disjointed bodies as Dean's brain tried to make sense of what he was seeing. Multiple sets of legs, arms, breasts, bare asses, and much more, exposed, pulsing as one in a group on the floor before him. His mind had slowly started to make sense of the fact that the warm, moaning mass in front of him was a tangle of multiple bodies in extreme pleasure.  
Dean's eyes had frantically wandered the second he realized what was happening and looked for Castiel - only to see him popping his lips off of some random guy's cock with a wet smack and turning to look him straight in the eyes with his piercing blue gaze. The stranger he had just been blowing put his hands on Castiel's head and hurriedly shoved his cock back into Castiel's mouth.  
Castiel had done the universal "one minute" sign, holding up a finger as he got mouthfucked by the guy until Dean could see the movements becoming jerkier.

Dean wanted to move. He wanted to run but he seemed to be glued to the spot in a daze. His feet felt too heavy to pick up and he was rooted to the spot as if the earth was a magnet and his shoes were made of steel. He watched in mixed wonder and disgust as Castiel's lips worked the stranger's cock and soon enough, the guy was moaning and Castiel's adam's apple pulsed.  
He was swallowing.

Dean had never wanted to beat a guy nearly to death and leave him to die outside the camp walls - but there was a first time for everything.  
He hadn't even realized as he stepped over the other moaning bodies on the floor and made his way to the sated stranger before delivering a blow straight to his head, knocking the guy Castiel had just been blowing out cold.

Moans had turned to screams and the last thing he saw before he blacked out with rage was Castiel's lips moving, repeating Dean's name.

\-----------------

It had been two whole days.

\-----------------

Two days since the whole ordeal.  
Dean had woken up a while after, in Castiel's bed with Castiel mucking about nervously. He tried to make Dean eat and drink but Dean had simply refused and sat up. Castiel wasn't going to let Dean go that easily and of course, the dreaded "why" had come up.  
Dean had no good answer. At least, not a good answer that was valid anyway. Castiel was allowed to sleep with whoever he wanted and Dean had simply had a momentary lapse of judgement. It happened to the best of them, right? Of course, He knew the real reason for his burst of violence was lurking right under the surface. He was jealous and had exploded with 4 months worth of pent up rage (not to mention years worth of unresolved sexual tension).  
Castiel didn't press when Dean didn't reply and Dean had been oh so grateful that the fallen angel knew when to drop it.

He wanted to kiss Castiel oh so desperately but of course, he would never allow himself. He had quickly stood up- stopping only to rest a hand on Castiel's shoulder and squeeze for a second before walking out of his cabin without looking back. No doubt that by now the whole camp would be aware of what had happened and would be making up their own theories as to why Dean acted the way he did.  
Dean didn't care. He just wanted whiskey. He wanted to forget the consequences of his actions. He wanted to forget that he had possibly exposed his feelings today by wearing his heart on his sleeve and letting jealousy get the best of him.

He had kept a serious face on as he trudged through the bleak camp, back to his cabin amidst the whispers. It was bad enough that people already knew, but the fact that they were blatantly gossipping in front of his face only made the reality of the situation 100 times worse.

The first thing he had done as he walked through the door was throw whatever he could find. It had gone on for an hour. An hour of him grabbing the nearest item and smashing it on the floor until only broken bits remained. The cabin was trashed as were all his belongings except the alcohol of course. He had looked down at his hands and seen blood streaming from his palms. Somewhere along the way he had accidentally cut his hands and not felt it through his rage.  
He never bothered to disinfect the wounds or even wrap them and had simply proceeded to pick up the nearest bottle of booze and down half the bottle in one long gulp.

He was ashamed of himself. Ashamed of being the leader and having lost control like that but god damn him straight to hell if Castiel didn't have the most unbelievable effects on him. He wanted to never show his face at camp again. And with that thought, he had proceeded to down the remaining half of the bottle.

\----------------

That had been two days ago.  
Two days ago had led to where he was currently at - slumped on the floor of his cabin in a pool of vomit. His whole cabin was trashed, the massive alcohol storage nearly depleted and his hands aching and covered in crusted blood with what was certainly a massive oozing infection in them.

Dean was on the floor and he was pretty sure he hadn't moved from that spot in the last 2 days other than to drunkenly take a piss. He sat up and hauled himself onto the bed, taking a look at what he had done to his cabin. This would take forever to clean. He groaned and laid back on the bed, not caring he was trailing blood, vomit and alcohol onto the neatly made bed. His back ached and he needed comfort. For hours Dean thought of Castiel and how Dean had reacted like an absolute child.  
He sighed and closed his eyes, hoping he would be able to sleep some more and wake up with a clear head but was cut off by the sound of someone opening the back door of his cabin quietly.

Dean tensed and looked towards the doorway, still too hungover to move. If someone attacked him right now, he would be fucked.  
And as he heard Castiel quietly call his name, he suddenly wished that it HAD been an attacker. Anything would be better than having to face Castiel right now.  
Dean wasn't sure he would ever be ready to look Castiel in the eyes again. A fleeting thought of bewilderment crossed his mind as he realized Castiel was supposed to be at one of his scheduled orgies right now.

\----------------

Dean held his breath and gripped the bed frame tight as he watched bedroom doorway, waiting for the angel to show himself.  
His body tightened as he caught sight of Castiel walking towards the bedroom - a determined look on his face.  
Dean knew a line was about to get crossed. One of many to come. Whether that was a good or bad thing was yet to be decided but as Dean watched Castiel, he knew one thing for certain - this was the beginning of the end for him. And if having Castiel meant Dean's demise, Dean would greet the end with open arms.


	2. Sleep May Be The Enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean watched as Castiel stalked closer and closer. The quicker he approached, the more Dean could see the glimmer of dominance in Castiel's eyes. He wasn't high right now. This was a look Dean hadn't on the fallen angel in a long time. Years, to be precise. Not since before his grace had left him. This was a look that made Dean's insides coil with a steady mix of fear and pleasure whenever he saw it displayed on Castiel's face. A of right now, fear was winning the fight by a long shot and he steadied himself on his bed to prevent the feeling of vomit rising in his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What could Castiel possibly want by sneaking into Dean's cabin after Dean's drunken 2 day bender?

Dean watched as Castiel stalked closer and closer. The quicker he approached, the more Dean could see the glimmer of dominance in Castiel's eyes. He wasn't high right now. This was a look Dean hadn't on the fallen angel in a long time. Years, to be precise. Not since before his grace had left him. This was a look that made Dean's insides coil with a steady mix of fear and pleasure whenever he saw it displayed on Castiel's face. A of right now, fear was winning the fight by a long shot and he steadied himself on his bed to prevent the feeling of vomit rising in his throat.

Why the fuck was he so nervous that he could puke? It wasn't like Castiel could smite him anymore. It's not like Castiel would ever even think of doing that even if he could. Sure, the guy was clearly angry at the moment but their "profound bond" still existed. They couldn't live without one another and that was simply that. Neither of them would ever purposely mortally wound the other.  
Dean steadied himself and held his breath even deeper as Castiel stopped in front of the bed expectantly. Dean slowly looked up at Castiel. He was wearing a blue military style jacket that had been worn and distressed to hell. He had a thin white v neck shirt underneath which was loosely hanging over some old ratty jeans. Fuck if he didn't look flooring in that outfit. Dean could imagine the firm body underneath the loose fabric - not that he really needed to. The loose fabric was nearly see through and he could see every individual line in Castiel's abdomen as he stood there with his belly at Dean's eye level. Dean's eyes slowly traveled south, pausing on the zipper and buttons of the worn out pants.

Dean licked his lips and refused to make eye contact, his eyes finally coming to rest on Castiel's right hand which was currently resting loosely on his hip.

"You forget who I am, Dean Winchester" Castiel said through tight lips as he looked down at the man sitting in front of him. "I have given everything for you. I betrayed my family, I rebelled against God, I fell from grace all for you. All for the pathetic excuse of a man that is sitting before me. All for the sad excuse of a man who is starting to sober up after a 2 day bender." he snarled.

Dean simply hung his head and let the words bite at him. He knew Castiel was right. He knew that he had caused the fall of his best friend. He hadn't been around when Castiel needed him and now Castiel was a jaded sex addict with an affinity for drugs. Humanity had destroyed his angel and created a junkie, all because of him. He felt the beginnings of tears pooling in his eyes and willed himself not to cry. He would not cry god damn it. But as he mulled the words over in his brain, the first tear disobeyed him and fell freely onto his lap.

"You are an idiot, Dean Winchester." Castiel continued, his voice still as sharp as it had been before. "You fail to see how far I go for you. How far EVERYONE goes for you. We do it for a reason. You are and always will be the righteous man. You are valuable. Yet here you sit in front of me, insisting on drinking your life away and mishandling your anger. Grow up." The last two words were uttered with such force that Dean couldn't help but look at the angry ex angel in front of him again.

Castiel's body was tense and his hands were now balled into tight fists at his sides. The look in his eyes spoke to Dean and told him he still cared. That the painful words he was uttering were to show Dean that he cared, not to hurt him. He dared to maintain eye contact and his lip faltered. Causing a new wave of tears to betray him and break the dam, spilling down his cheeks again.

He fucking hated that he couldn't look at Castiel without his feelings betraying him in some way shape or form nowadays. Last time it had been the rage. This time it was shame that he felt. Shame for being the sole cause of every bad thing in Castiel's life and never allowing him to bask in the simple pleasures of humanity without ruining it for him. Hell, Dean blamed himself for earth's current situation too. If he had just said yes to Michael, this would have never happened. He stifled a sob and was surprised to feel a warm hand tentatively grip his shoulder. He could feel the uncertainty in the touch and Dean desperately needed it right now. He leaned into the touch and Castiel's grip became tighter, realizing the touch was welcome.

Dean closed his eyes tight, trying to prevent the tears from spilling out as he spoke. "M'sorry Cas. It must....seem like I don't want you to enjoy life's simple pleasures. I just...I'm not jealous of you getting more action than me, It's not that. I promise. I just don't know what came over me. Is that guy....the guy I did that to...is he okay?" Dean asked genuinely. He knew his punches were pretty heavy ringers and he suddenly felt terrible for his reaction. He couldn't imagine how it would feel if some guy walked in and sucker punched him on the side of the head while he was enjoying his post-orgasmic bliss from Castiel's blowjob. The only thing that could be heard for a while was Dean's tiny sniffles and both of their heavy breathing, filling the air with tension again. Castiel was taking his sweet ass time to respond and Dean wondered what was going through the guy's head.

Castiel gripped Dean's shoulder again as he finally spoke. "Is that what you think my visit is about?" He zoned in on Dean with an inquisitive look on his face and Dean had to look away. That look always made him feel like Castiel was staring into his soul and it made him feel oddly vulnerable.  
"That is not why I am here Dean. And yes, Brandon is alright and holds no ill will - although he is not keen on ever being intimate with me again" Castiel said in a toneless voice. Dean wished he could have been able to tell if Castiel was upset over the fact that Brandon didn't want to be intimate with him anymore.

"May I?" Castiel asked, prompting Dean to look up at him again and realize Castiel was motioning towards the area on the bed beside Dean. He simply nodded and Castiel took the invitation, sitting down so closely beside Dean that their thighs were pressed against each other. Castiel removed his hand from Dean's shoulder and clasped both his hands in his lap. Dean couldn't help but follow them with his watery gaze. The angel really had become his vessel. Jimmy had left long ago and this body was truly Castiel's now. He watched Castiel's hands as they sat there, motionless on his lap. They were beautiful and even now, with all the stress and anguish at hand, Dean couldn't help but imagine them stroking tightly around his length. His fantasy was rudely interrupted by the visual memory of Castiel's lips wrapped around Brandon's cock and Dean shuddered as a new wave of jealousy flowed through him.

They sat in silence for what seemed like hours until Dean had run out of tears.

\---------------------

Darkness had fallen outside and the only sounds which could be heard were far off laughter from the camp residents and the sound of the insects buzzing about. Castiel had not moved in the past couple of hours. It almost reminded Dean of what the fallen angel used to be like. He could sit still for days and not bat an eye. Apparently old habits died hard when Castiel managed to stay sober. Dean hadn't seen Cas like this in years. He chanced a glance at the man sitting next to him. Castiel had his eyes closed and was breathing in deeply with his hands still clenched in his lap. It looked like he was meditating or almost praying. Dean wondered what he was thinking about. He may have been 95% human now but this was a being who had been there during creation. He had witnessed millions of years of life. He had seen the rise and fall of every civilization and evolution had happened in the blink of an eye for him. He was the most fascinating man in the world...and he was sitting right next to Dean, making sure Dean was okay. Sure, his tactics were a bit rough around the edges, but Castiel was there because he cared for Dean.

He was hit with a sudden surge of emotion for the powerful being next to him. It was as if a switch had been flipped inside of him and his depression was replaced with love in the blink of an eye. Dean's hands trembled a little as he very slowly decided to trail a hand outward, towards Castiel. His confidence faltered a little and he slowly decided to rest his hand on the outer edge of Castiel's thigh.

Castiel never opened his eyes as he unclasped his hands in a heartbeat and placed his hand on his own thigh, right next to Dean's hand. There was the tiniest twitch of a finger and Castiel extended his pinky outwards towards Dean's. They said nothing more that night but remained there, their hands next to each other - pinkies touching. To anyone else, it would have been a simple gesture that would have been overlooked. But Dean's heart swelled with joy at the miniscule gesture.

Slowly, the darkness deepened until only soft shadows were visible in the bedroom to the human eye. Dean tried to stay awake, fighting the feeling of oblivion closing in on him like velvet. He finally lost the battle and let his head hang loosely as sleep took him.

\--------------------

Castiel slowly pulled Dean backwards onto the bed, tucking him into the blankets softly. He stood up and paced for a bit before deciding to sit on the edge of the bed and keep watch over Dean for the rest of the night. It was kind of like old times when he kept watch, he thought to himself. After a while, his posture changed and he started to get sore. Damn being human, Castiel thought as he changed position and laid down beside Dean.

He laid there for a few hours, before his body unceremoniously reminded him that he was human now and he too needed sleep. Sleep may have been the enemy when there was nobody beside him, but right now, Castiel was at peace with himself as the only person he had ever truly wanted slumbered beside him.

His eyes drooped with defeat and the last thing he felt before sleep took him was Dean's warmth beside him.


	3. It Has Always Been You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leave it to Castiel to be the one to catch Dean every time he fell. Castiel may have been the fallen angel here, but Dean was the one constantly making mistakes that Cas was always there to help fix. Castiel was his strength, his rock, his salvation. It suddenly hit Dean just HOW lost he would be without the former angel by his side. Drugs and orgies aside, Castiel was necessary in Dean's survival. Without him around, Dean would have put a bullet in his brain years ago.  
> The realization that Castiel was the only thing that had kept Dean hanging on by a thread for the past couple of years lit a fire inside him and his heart overflowed with affection for the man who was currently rubbing ointment into his palm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for in depth description of small but bloody wounds.

Dean awoke to the sound of clattering in the kitchen. He blinked his eyes groggily and tried to recall the blur that was the past couple days. No doubt he regretted losing his cool at Castiel's cabin. This wasn't leader behavior. He groaned and flexed his hands slowly and was met with a throbbing pain that shot up his hands and arms. Dean couldn't help himself as the groan turned to a yelp of pain and he quickly unclenched his hands and gave up on trying to get out of bed. Today was clearly going to be unkind to him yet again. If he really thought about it though, he deserved it. He had been acting like a baby and needed a wakeup call. There was no time to throw jealous hissyfits during the apocalypse and there was definitely no time to get so drunk that he accidentally hurt his hands. Using his hands was essential for survival in the apocalypse and who knows how long this would take to heal?

His train of thought was interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming his way. Dean peered through his lashes and saw Castiel walking towards his open bedroom door, wiping his hands on his pants. There was a lit joint loosely held between his lips. Dean watched in rapt fascination as Castiel came closer, his mouth tightening a bit around the joint as it threatened to slip out of his mouth. Dean focused on the joint and saw it was wet around the edge and he could think of many other things that Castiel's lips would look even better wrapped around. Damn it. He did not need this kind of distraction right now. He clenched his fist and the pain in his hand brought him back to reality with a pained groan. Castiel's face went from content to worried in an instant.

"Dean, are you alright?" Castiel worriedly asked as he rushed to Dean's side, pouring over the bed to touch two fingers to Dean's forehead, quickly remembering that he could no longer heal wounds. 

It was one of those things that he tended to forget the more he used drugs. Healing had been an essential part of who he was and what he had done for millennia upon millennia and sometimes amidst bliss, he would forget he no longer had the ability to do it. It was one of those things that would forever leave a gaping feeling in him like something was missing.

Dean groaned again "Cas. My hands" Dean said weakly as he threw his head back on the pillow in a defeated manner. 

Dean felt useless without full use of his hands and the feeling only grew as Castiel picked up Dean's right hand and examined it. There were still tiny little shards of glass embedded in his right palm and a long crusty gash right down the center. Castiel slowly forced Dean's hand into a fist and Dean hissed with pain as his hand curled up. Upon unclenching, Castiel once again inspected the damage. There was a visible infection right in the center of it and the wound would DEFINITELY need to be cleaned and sterilized asap. Castiel paused and picked Dean's other hand up, making a face Dean couldn't discern. 

"Both of your hands are infected, Dean. I'm going to need to pull out the glass shards and clean your wounds" He said matter of factly.

"Is is bad? Like..bad bad?" Dean asked, fearing the answer.

Castiel looked at Dean's hand again thoughtfully, before answering.

"Nothing that shouldn't heal soon with proper antibiotics and care" he said as he gently placed Dean's hand back on the bed.  
He placed his joint in an ashtray, turned his back on Dean and quickly strode out of the room without another word.  
Dean heard the water running and for once he was ever so grateful that even through the apocalypse, Chitaqua still had running water. That in itself was a feat that was enviable in the current times.

Dean listened to the water continue to run for a few minutes, followed by a bit of clattering in the sink. He could hear Castiel hurriedly mucking about the cabin muttering rapidly under his breath. The ex angel was clearly stressed and trying to hide it from Dean. Dean couldn't help but think of the burden he was placing on Castiel by acting like such a child. Funny how one bad decision had set off a chain reaction of shit decisions that had led to him being incapacitated and queasy in bed after a two day bender and a night trying to sleep it off. Dean was currently the unchallenged king of post-apocalypse bad decisions when it came to allowing his feelings interfere with his actions. Clearly that needed to change. He couldn't let his jealousy get in the way anymore.

Sure, Castiel was sometimes flirty with Dean, but Castiel was flirty with everyone. The ex angel had taken comfort in free love after falling and Dean couldn't blame him. It wasn't Castiel's fault that Dean was pining after the guy like a lovesick teenager. This would change. Dean couldn't be so hung up on someone who would never want him back in that way as much as Dean wanted him.  
Dean closed his eyes in defeat and settled back into the pillows as he heard Castiel walk back into the room. His footsteps were cautious and calculated, causing Dean to open his eyes in curiosity.

Castiel was balancing a huge glass bowl full of steaming water in one hand with a bunch of hand towels underneath it to prevent him from getting burned and a bulky first aid kit in the other hand. He gently set the first aid kit on the bed and turned to place the carefully balanced bowl of water and towels on the bedside table. He didn't skip a beat before he was dipping one of the towels into the water and bringing it to Dean's right hand. 

Dean lifted his hand up in offering and winced as the hot water hit his wounds. It obviously hurt but Castiel was as gentle as possible as he mopped up the crusted blood and pus from the infection, cleaning up Dean's wounds as thoroughly as possible. Before long, the towel was covered in blood, pus and filth and Castiel had procured another clean wet hand towel before beginning the process yet again. It seemed like forever before Dean's right hand began to look like an actual hand again but eventually, his hand was somewhat clean and the wounds severity was visible as well as the spots that still had glass needing to be plucked.

Neither of them spoke as Castiel ripped open an alcohol soaked towelette and gently swabbed Dean's hands. The pain sucked but it was tolerable for now. There had always been something about the prickle of alcohol on a wound that reminded Dean of the fact that he was alive. He could appreciate that.  
He looked up at Castiel who was holding his hand at face level and muttering to himself about tweezers. Castiel shuffled about and quickly found some threateningly sharp metal tweezers from the first aid kit and went to work without hesitation. 

Dean could feel the small glass shards as they were carefully pulled out of his skin one by one. It fucking hurt but damn it was a relief to be able to move his hand muscles again without fear of driving the glass deeper into his palms. Dean watched quietly as Castiel worked on his hands. Fors the first time in forever, Castiel looked focused. He was meticulous in his work and making sure the glass removal was done quickly and efficiently. Within 15 minutes, there was a bloody paper towel on the bedside table with a small pile of bloody glass ranging from the size of a splinter to a quarter inch in size. Dean couldn't believe all of that had come out of ONE hand and he sighed in quiet relief when he felt Castiel's hand lightly rubbing thick antibacterial ointment all over his palms. 

"I need to repeat the process on the other hand, Dean. I know it hurts and I apologize, but we need to do this to ensure the infection doesn't become a problem" Castiel quipped, looking worriedly at Dean.

Dean simply nodded before slowly sitting up and changing position so he was sitting on the edge of the bed facing Castiel. The guy was bending over backwards to help him, the least Dean could do is make the process of reaching his left hand a bit easier on Castiel. Castiel gently took Dean's hand in his and immediately began the process again like clockwork. Before long, his hand looked like a hand again and quickly after, the glass started coming out piece by piece until Castiel was satisfied.  
Castiel inspected Dean's hand thoroughly before slowly applying antibacterial ointment to that one as well. Leave it to Castiel to be the one to catch Dean every time he fell. Castiel may have been the fallen angel here, but Dean was the one constantly making mistakes that Cas was always there to help fix. Castiel was his strength, his rock, his salvation. It suddenly hit Dean just HOW lost he would be without the former angel by his side. Drugs and orgies aside, Castiel was necessary in Dean's survival. Without him around, Dean would have put a bullet in his brain years ago.  
The realization that Castiel was the only thing that had kept Dean hanging on by a thread for the past couple of years lit a fire inside him and his heart overflowed with affection for the man who was currently rubbing ointment into his palm

Dean looked at Castiel as he worked and was surprised by the expression currently splayed across the former angels face. There was worry, there was pain, but beneath that, there was love. It was painted clear as day on him and his eyes spoke words of nothing but affection for Dean. It took Dean's breath away like a punch to the chest.

Dean's voice cracked as he spoke. "Thanks Cas, you know you didn't have to -" but he was cut off by Castiel holding a hand up to silence him.

"Dean, You may not understand it now. You may not understand it ever. But I DO have to. I may be a fallen angel and useless in many ways. I am well aware of the fact of the mess I have become as I lose myself to the human pleasures of drugs and sex but not for one moment have I ever forgotten why I am here. I fell from grace willingly, all for the righteous man." he said, never breaking eye contact with Dean.

"In my time as a human, I have learned many things, I have had changes of opinion, changes of heart. But not once have I ever considered not being there for you when you need me to. If you needed me to take care of you, you need only ask. If you needed the clothes off of my back, they would be yours, no questions asked. If you asked me to give my life for you, I would do so and die with a smile on my face" he continued, as a sad smile flitted across his eyes.

"This...and more. I would do for you. There has never been anyone else Dean. It has always been you." he said quietly as he lightly squeezed Dean's hand between both his own.

It may have been the fact that he was still hungover, or it may have been the softness of the moment but as Castiel closed his eyes, pouring so much love and respect for Dean into the small gesture of clasping Dean's hand between his, something in Dean snapped. Suddenly, his face was in Castiel's space and Dean could feel Castiel's warm breaths coming in little puffs as Castiel stilled before him. 

And then Castiel was there, blue eyes open and staring into Dean's soul. Dean chose that particular moment to close his own eyes while simultaneously closing the space between their lips. The kiss was tentative and curious as Dean softly placed his lips on Castiel's, as if asking for permission. Castiel's lips parted slowly, granting Dean permission and Castiel began to kiss back. Dean ran his tongue across Castiel's bottom lip and pressed forward, this time a bit more confident and before long, Cas was deepening the kiss. Castiel caught Dean's bottom lip between his teeth, eliciting an unexpected whimper from Dean, who didn't hesitate to return the favor.

The kiss lasted a few minutes before Dean finally broke away from the former angel. Castiel's lips were wet, pink and puffy and he looked like the beginning of every wet dream Dean had ever entertained about his best friend, although he would refuse it til his dying breath if ever questioned about it. Dean took a moment to gather his bearings and catch his breath as was brought back to reality by Castiel speaking.

"Dean Winchester, in all of my time on this earth, you have never ceased to amaze me." Castiel said simply with a small confused smile on his face.

He felt Castiel's hands squeeze his, and Dean clenched his fists and as he felt the strain growing in his jeans. He ignored the pain shooting from his palms into the rest of his hands as he interlaced his fingers with Castiel's, lightly squeezing back and trying to put a thousand unspoken words into the gesture. 

Dean was done with waiting. The world around him fell away as he surged forward and caught Castiel's lips again. This time Castiel was quick to respond and the kiss went from soft to needy in a heartbeat.

\------------------

Humanity had fallen, the world was ending and they had waited for this long enough.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!


End file.
